Waiting

The past 6 months have felt like a lot of waiting to me. I did stop waiting for things to get easier, but my impatience quickly shifted to waiting for answers. How much difference will the hearing aids make? Will we find out if there’s a genetic syndrome with a name and some forecast of our future? etc. And as everything moves slowly, I find myself, again, waiting impatiently.

Last week when we first met with Early Steps about Ava’s entry to the program, we worked with the therapy team to set 6 month goals for her progress. I asked how us possibly getting a diagnosis between now and then might affect her goals…and they basically said that it won’t. Their philosophy is based on helping Ava make progress regardless of the cause for her delays. That a diagnosis may give us some explanation, but it won’t change how we help her.

That began a shift in my thinking about all this. I think I was viewing a pending diagnosis as some kind of looming pronouncement that will read us our future. I have felt both impatient for it and fearful of it at the same time.

But I don’t think focusing on medical explanations is really my best way to be right now. The goals we set with Early Steps made me feel much more encouraged. They are small goals…but the idea that we have a plan and will do therapy and help Ava achieve these things together is so much more uplifting to me than all the time spent testing and trying to figure out what’s wrong.

OF COURSE I’m not saying I don’t want to sort out what we can, or that I don’t want her to have all the medical care needed. But getting all the answers we are seeking won’t magically change everything either, so I think it’s better at least for me to not be so impatient for them.

I am really trying to live each day as its own gift from God. I’m not very good at staying in the present, but I think this is what God’s asking me to do right now.

15“In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.18Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” —Isaiah 30:15, 18

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